


Bye Bye Blue Eyes

by roxashasboxers



Series: How Johnny McKay Made Jess Harper Gay(er) [1]
Category: Lawman
Genre: Grief, M/M, Masturbation, episode: s01e39 The Friend, sad masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 10:26:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxashasboxers/pseuds/roxashasboxers
Summary: Johnny’s libido is at war with his memories.





	Bye Bye Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I’m very disappointed that nobody has written anything about this episode because 1.) Robert Fuller, and 2.) that was some adorable (and hella gay) shit. 
> 
> I’m probably more disappointed that there’s almost no Lawman fic out there though. I’d expect a campy show with hot people and weird poly-vibes to have tons of fic, but alas... I guess that’s what you get for being ahead of your time!

Johnny bites into his lip, hands working himself over furiously. He’s got one leg bent up on the bed, the other flat and out to the side, two fingers working inside of his body with his other hand wrapped around his dick. Images flash across his closed eyelids, of Buck smirking, Buck looming, Buck’s eyes piercing into him as he pushes Johnny up against the alley wall in the dark and kisses him like a dare. Johnny keens, pistoning fingers moving faster and faster, little sparks of pleasure making his legs twitch, and the hand on his cock slows a bit as his focus shifts to that, to the lightning sensation making his belly quiver.

He presses his lips hard together and licks them, lets his mouth fall open on a gasp that sounds like a name that nobody has spoken in months. He imagines Buck’s hands on his chest, his own knees hitting the back of a bed; sees Buck’s smile, dangerous and playful, inviting like a wild horse. He remembers a leg tucked up between his own and a hand over his mouth, a ragged voice in his ear begging him to come; remembers pushing his hands through thick black hair while Buck was on his knees, mouthing along his shaft. Johnny starts moving his hand again, memories guiding his rhythm, hand slick and warm but not enough, not_ Buck_, and he winces as his mind takes a turn towards the memories he doesn’t mean to think about.

He remembers being young, bathing in a stream and eyeing each other through the clear water; remembers rolling around in leaves and laughing, fighting off Buck’s headlock with a strong elbow to the gut; remembers Buck’s foot catching on the stirrup and how he’d laughed when his best friend face planted outside of a bar.

Johnny shakes his head, trying to pull the film back, to get away from these memories that make him ache in the bad way, to go back to black nights and heavy breathing. He attacks his cock with a vengeance, growling into the darkness, but Buck is still laughing in his muddy boots, shading his crisp blue eyes from the sun, tipping his hat down over his face as he settles in for a nap.

Johnny whines as he feels his orgasm receding. He slips a desperate third finger into himself, spearing them all forward. It feels good, but wrong, feels nothing like it did when Buck fucked him, and he turns his head towards his pillow with a pained grimace.

The memories start moving faster, and Buck’s giving him that wolffish smile again, Buck’s oiling his gun, Buck’s finger is on the trigger and Buck’s grinning through the gunsmoke and Buck’s- 

_ No! _

Lying dead in the street.

Johnny chokes back a sob.

Fuck. It’s gone.

He stops moving with a defeated sniffle and pulls his hands free. His cock aches but he doesn’t touch it, knows it won’t do any good. He hasn’t been able to get off since it happened, finds his mind always comes back here, to blood-stained denim and dead blue eyes and his own too slow hands.

Johnny lets his legs stretch out with a defeated sigh and wipes his face on his arm, throwing his tears away. His dick throbs weakly, begging for his attention but he ignores it, knows it’s futile, and slowly the feeling goes away as his erection finally flags.

He stares up at the ceiling with damp eyes and waits for the sun to rise. Buck’s smile is sharp when he falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> What a fic to build a fandom on. This will be my legacy! 😂😂
> 
> Anyway, please, please, _please_ tell me what you thought.


End file.
